top of page
Search
  • Writer's pictureDearbhla

The World According to Oscar:


I had the privilege of collecting my five-year-old neighbour from school a few days a week for the month of September. Each day, Oscar would relay his thoughts on life imbued with a sense of mischief, whilst simultaneously managing to be greatly unimpressed by my obvious lack of knowledge. It would be great to be five again and know everything.


On Space Exploration:


Oscar: When I’m older I’m going to fly to outer space.

Me: So, you’re going to be an explorer!

Oscar: No. Other people will discover the planets and I will just fly around.

Me: Ok, so what job do you want to do?

Oscar: Well, I don’t want to waste time deciding.


***

Oscar: I see a plane! Did you know above the cloud is just air and if you go up for thousands of miles you end up in space? There’s space, outer space and deep space.

Me: Wow. So, what’s beyond that?

Oscar: I don’t know you can’t even guess.

Me: Hmm, well maybe there’s a magical planet and a moon made of cheese.

Oscar: No.


***

Oscar: Did you know there are no animals where they launch rockets because they would run into the fire and get scared and die? That's a true story.


On Life's Mysteries:


Oscar: I found diamonds but I gave them to my dad to mind because I’m really good at losing things. First I lose things and then I find them again. Losing and then finding. That’s always the way.

Me too Oscar, me too.


***

Oscar: I discovered another diamond but I left it in my friend’s car. I didn’t even have time to make jewellery.

[pauses]

Actually, I don't want to make jewellery, I want to just keep the diamond.


***

Me: I punctured my bicycle tyre Oscar.

Oscar: Some people are just unlucky. I’m always lucky.



"It's Just A..."


Me: Our new puppy eats everything.

Oscar: Well, can she eat a car?

Me: She isn’t the Hulk!

Oscar: Well, my friend has a hulk suit.

Me: Can your friend eat a car?

Oscar (very seriously): No. It’s just a suit.


***

Oscar: If I don’t have a job that’s bad because then I can’t make money to save the environment.

Me: So what job will you get?

Oscar: Eating my head.

Me: How will that help the environment?

Oscar: Because everyone will think I’m a weirdo and run away so they won’t hurt the environment.

Me: Interesting. I’ve never heard of anyone eating their own head.

Oscar (looking at me like I’m a fool): They haven’t. It’s just a tale.


***

Oscar: Did you know infinity and beyond doesn’t exist?

Me: Buzz Light Year says that, doesn’t he?

Oscar (shaking his head): That’s just a movie.



On Family:


Oscar: I have three aunts and two uncles. Can you believe that? I’ve been to all my cousins' houses.

Me: Lovely! Do they have nice houses?

Oscar: They have a cool train set.



On Being Up To No Good:


Oscar: I have teenager friends.

[pauses to think]

It’s good to have teenager friends cuz they can do stuff I’m not allowed to do like climb on wooden sheds.


***

Oscar (waving a metal bolt in the back of the car): I have a circle in my hand.

Me: Where did you get that?

Oscar: The ground. You probably should have checked my hands.

Me: Why?

Oscar (smiling): Because it’s really dirty.


***

Oscar ringing our neighbour's doorbell.

Me: Oscar, it's 9am on a Sunday, Margaret doesn't want to get up at this time.

Oscar: Yes she does.

Me: I'm very sure she doesn't.

Oscar: Everyone wants to be up now.




Comments


bottom of page